If the acting gigs dried up, how would a job search play out for these leading men?

They didn’t land an Oscar this year. If they had to, could they land a job interview? Probably not. The average age of these Hollywood icons would knock them out of most corporate HR inboxes. Sadly ageism is real, even for the most talented among us.

Perhaps if they got themselves a career coach. Just imagine the advice they might get.

Okay gentlemen, let’s get you ready for your job search. I’m going to give it to you straight. It’s not going to be easy. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us.

First the aesthetics.

Scorsese. I know they’re your thing, but lose the glasses, they add ten years. 

Pacino. Invest in a membership to the Dollar Shave Club. It will be the best buck you ever spent.

De Niro. Botox might help you look more like the younger CGI version of yourself from the Irishman. I know a doctor in The Hills.

Pesci. You’re short and already have the hairpiece, so you’re kind of tapped out. Maybe wear cowboy boots.

And unless you all still have some friends from the wardrobe department, you’re going to need to hit the mall. Just kidding, no one goes to malls anymore. Try a subscription box. Google it. 

Your next assignment. How many years can you knock off your CV? 

Hmmm. Well, with the right wording and scrubbing a few dates, I think we can get you guys down to around late fiftyish. More on the “ish” side. That’s still rough territory but manageable.

Now let’s level set expectations. 

Companies aren’t running around looking for 70-year-old executives. Heck, they’re not even looking for 50-year-old middle managers. Those spots are reserved for younger people that are fun to have around at the happy hours and are looking for lower salaries. We have a tight window, but I have faith. 

Let’s talk about the interview process.

You all have presentation experience, but those no-nonsense personas aren’t going to cut it. You’re going to have to tone it down. And I mean tone it down a lot. Otherwise, they’ll think your one of those cranky, old know-it-alls that won’t be a cultural fit. 

Sorry Scorsese, no profanity. You have to go along to get along. 

Pacino, you’re a method actor, explore your beta half. If you come in like a raging bull (that was for you De Niro) you could be perceived as difficult to work with. 

 Pesci. How about we try less Good Fellas and go with more My Cousin Vinny?

One last tip! 

If you’re not binge-watching Netflix, start now fellas. It helps keep culturally relevant conversation going during any moments of awkward silence. Check out Don’t F**k with Cats. Everyone’s talking about that. No Pesci, that’s a different Cats. Oh boy, this isn’t going to be easy.

ON WITH THE SHOW

Although the thought of these four Hollywood icons trying to find a job is a bit absurd, I’ve seen some very talented people end up on the sidelines. As we age, career opportunities dwindle. Advertising and design professionals get benched. Roles for actors and performers disappear. Tech stars fade.

It’s not all gloom and doom, however, especially if you think about your next move before someone else makes a move for you. If you’re looking for your next great thing, it’s out there. You’re just going to have to find it. Maybe you’ll even have to create it. Whether you’re 40 or 80, the concept is still the same. Control your own future or it will control you.

If you do happen to get caught in a surprise transition, stick to the basics. Keep your skills current. Play to your strengths. Use your network. Be yourself. And don’t give up. 

Good luck and if you need any help getting started, you should attend our next Creageless open house. It’s a free online video conference and who knows? Maybe Pacino will make an appearance.

*FInally, my apologies to all my friends who are career coaches and/or Academy Award winners. It’s all in good fun.

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Eddie Prentiss is the founder of Creageless- The Community for Creatives over 40 and Brainco-The Minneapolis School of Advertising and Design. Currently he is an Executive Creative Director at Stratacomm in Washington D.C. His client experience includes Jim Beam, Maker’s Mark, Target, General Mills, PepsiCo and Subway. 

Eddie is a past recipient of the Minneapolis 40 under 40 award. Now that he is over 40, through his work with Creageless, he's an advocate for older members in creative industries who are transitioning careers, starting new businesses or struggling with ageism.